All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just googled if crying burns calories
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
