I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
