i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
