I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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