I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There are leaves in my underwear?
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