hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize