I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
