Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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