Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
