I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
