Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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