you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
