My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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