trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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