someone threw a dead crab at me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I AM VODKA MAN
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
