i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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