a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Welp...herpes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
