wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
