please come you make the beer taste better
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
