It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
