I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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