drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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