Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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