I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
