I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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