My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
