omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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