Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we're so committed to being not committed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
