I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
