Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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