Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
