with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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