Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
