Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can text with my tongue
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
