Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize