Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
