Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize