i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
