he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
