so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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