In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
