i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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