I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
