worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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