fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
