The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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