dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wish there were birth control emojis
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
