i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
