i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
