Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
someone owes me an orgasm
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
