Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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