so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
