YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
