Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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