Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
