Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize