Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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