I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
