I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
