Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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