I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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