I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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