He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
