I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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