i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
