if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
