hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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