Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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