I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
