I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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