Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
