if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
