She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pooping to opera.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
