I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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