mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
