What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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