It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
