So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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