does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sober January is a disaster.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
