Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
